Camping Misadventures

(This post is long, but as I told my husband, it is my therapy. You'll understand what I mean if you have the stamina to read it through. I do hope you find it at least mildly amusing.)

Sometimes I imagine there is a hidden camera following us and an unseen audience laughing heartily whilst observing the misfortunes that seem to characterize the Rodriguez Family Vacation.

If you missed the show when it aired live, here is the recap.

Camping at Pedernales Falls was our Spring Break backup plan. Plan A was scrubbed due to various insurmountable hurdles. While not our Plan A, we were nonetheless excited.

As predicted, getting out of town was a lengthy and painful process. But we did it, and our spirit was not dampened. We arrived at the park in the afternoon and the weather couldn't have been more beautiful! After setting up camp, the kids were itching to get wet, so we headed to the swimming area. (A future post will provide photos and happy anecdotes, I promise.)

Sufficiently wetted, we returned to camp and threw some burgers on the grill. While relaxing at our cozy camp, we noticed a little tyke wandering around behind our tent, a tiny visitor from the campsite next to ours. His parents called to him, 'Evan? Evan! Come here, Evan! Evan!!' We looked at each other and smiled - what a cutie! Remember this moment.

Sometime after dinner it was discovered that the bag containing the personal hygiene items, the one with the soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, etc., was not in the van, but was presumably still sitting on the bed ... at home ... in Austin. Aw, what the heck - we're camping! Who needs clean teeth, fresh breath and armpits that smell like cocoa butter?

And so, this discovery marks the beginning of our misadventure.

At this point it is appropriate to insert a section from the Texas State Park Rules and Regulations, a section which is near and dear to my heart:

(v) Peace and quiet.
It is an offense to:
1. disturb other persons in sleeping quarters or in campgrounds between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 am; and
2. cause, create, or contribute to any noise which is broadcast, or caused to be broadcast, into sleeping quarters or campgrounds, or which emits sound beyond the person's immediate campsite, between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m., whether by shouting or singing, by using a radio, phonograph, television, or musical instrument, or by operating mechanical or electronic equipment.
3. create a disturbance by causing excessive noise by any means.

10:00pm - Ahh! It is now officially 'quiet time'. The party at the neighboring campsite, however, is just getting started. Calls of 'Hey! Do you want a chicken taco?' ring out in the darkness. Numerous shrieking children can be heard scampering about and well, shrieking.

11:00pm - It turns out the party is actually starting now - with a rousing rendition of 'Happy Birthday' being sung to a woman who we determine is the matriarch of this sizeable family. Super.

11:45am - Still a lively crowd is enjoying chicken tacos and birthday cake. And beer. There appears to be no shortage of the frothy beverage. The children in this clan do not sleep. Little Evan - you remember cute little Evan, don't you? - well, in addition to his exploratory nature, he possesses a healthy set of lungs and at midnight is not a happy camper. For that matter, neither am I, but I am crying on the inside.

12:02am - Two giggling teenagers, Bianca and her friend (sister? cousin?), flashlights bouncing, attempt to walk through our campsite -

(here I must insert a short discourse on our first mistake in this tragic comedy, which I daresay having not been made would have changed the entire course of our night in the woods and spared you the ordeal of reading about it now.)

Upon arriving at the park, we were given a choice of 2 campsites. One site was directly across from the bathrooms (convenient); the other was further down the road. By no real design, we had taken the site by the bathrooms. Before setting up camp we briefly discussed moving, weighed the pros and cons and decided to stay, mainly because we were, in fact, already there. This is the moment that will haunt us. Although there is an intricate labyrinth of clearly defined paths from the other campsites to the bathrooms, we learned that traipsing through our campsite proved a popular alternate route.

Back to the timeline:

12:02am - Bianca and her 2nd cousin once removed needed to pee. Or they needed to giggle in a new location. Not sure the motive, but in any case they embark on their journey to the bathrooms. As they leave their campsite, a member of their party (Uncle David, I believe) yells out to them, 'Don't walk through their campsite!' and 'Be quiet!!' I like this guy. He's thoughtful. Plus a person who yells at someone else to be quiet is just funny. The girls stumble along and make it to the bathroom managing not to trespass on our site (though not succeeding in being quiet).

12:07am - Bianca and her twin sister emerge from the bathroom and have clearly lost their sense of direction. What they do know is that their campsite is directly in front of them as the crow flies. So here they come directly into our campsite, giggling, flashlights-waving, shoes scuffling.

At this point it is fair to say that I and my dear husband are slightly perturbed. And, perhaps, a little edgy. We have been passing the time, not sleeping, quietly discussing our options and mocking our neighbors (because this was a slightly amusing way to pass the time). As the girls, blithely unaware of the decibel of their giggles, enter our camp, out of frustration my husband and I both snap and yell out of our tent a harsh, disapproving, sleep-deprived "HEY!!!" - which succeeds in sending the girls shrieking and giggling and scuffling in another direction and prompts another (loud) chiding by Uncle David to be quiet! That guy is funny.

Incidentally, neither our yelling inside nor the shrill squeals outside roused our own sleeping children who had drifted off some 2 hours previous. Oh, to be young and oblivious!

12:12am - Still discussing the situation, my husband and I determine that Uncle David sounds like a decent enough fellow. He is at the very least making an effort, however feeble. So my dear husband gets up, finds his shoes and heads out to pay them a visit. We are desperate, you see. You can imagine how many ugly ways this situation could play out. I imagined them all for the full 3 minutes he was gone. How I wish I could report to you now that peace at once descended and we slept. I cannot, for it did not. The party continued, albeit in hushed (still quite audible) tones.

1:00am - The party breaks up and several revelers move to another campsite. We can still hear them from a distance. A smaller group remains at the original site and continues to fetch cans from the magic bottomless cooler. Little Evan is still awake and is clearly not happy.

2:00am - There are now only a handful of people at the party, who are engaged in lively conversations. I am quite sure that they sincerely believe no one can hear them. I am fairly certain Evan is still awake. One of the men has fallen asleep in a chair and is now snoring. 'Do I sound like that when I snore?' my husband asks. 'Sometimes,' I answer. He then gives me permission to kick him when it happens. I vow silently to never do such a thing; my tried-and-true technique, the 'gentle nudge', has served me well through the years.

3:00am - The party breaks up. The snoring man is awakened to be asked if he wants to stay here and sleep or to go. Don't sleep here, don't sleep here, don't sleep here, we silently plead. He opts to go and drives off a few moments later. Sleepy and inebriated - always a good condition for driving the narrow, curvy roads of a state park in the middle of the night.

I finally fall asleep around this time. At one point I am awakened by my dear husband's snoring - I promptly kick him.

4:00am - The people return. Looking for food, we surmise. The rustling sounds initially caused my husband to suspect raccoons. If only.

6:00am - Day is breaking. Birds are chirping (they, apparently, found a quiet place to sleep). The darkness is fading. I truly expected quiet from their camp now. How naive of me.

7:30am - Having concluded that 2 hours of sleep on hard, cold ground is simply not enough to prepare the 44-year-old and 39-year-old in our camping party for a day of hiking and swimming, we admit defeat and decide to pack up and head home right away. This is not an easy decision.

The 10-year-old and 7-year-old take this in stride and I am very proud of them for being such sweet and easy-going little people. (Did I just refer to my son as 'easy-going'? Whoa.)

8:30am - We begin to break camp and get the van loaded. We will pick up breakfast in Dripping Springs.

9:00am - Car loaded and kids buckled, we put the key in the ignition and [click] [click] [click]. Yes, you know that sound. That, my friends, is the sound of Murphy's Law. And also the sound of a dead battery. I'm not making this up.

9:30am - After getting a jump from the friendly park host -- who it turns out, you may awaken in the middle of the night when other campers are not in compliance with the posted Peace and Quiet rules, and if necessary, he will summon a peace officer (who lives in the park) who will, true to his title, restore the peace, which knowledge would have come in handy at the first off-key strains of 'Happy Birthday' -- we are on our way.

10:45am - Zzzzzzzzzzz.